Researching stories from women ages 45 to 69, who quietly carry their faith through divorce, grief, and shattered expectations, gave Brigham Young University senior Annette Pinto a unique understanding about how to navigate future challenges.
At twelve years old, I had my life mapped out: go to BYU, serve a mission, get married, graduate, have four kids. The perfect plan. At age 24, I am a little wiser, but I realize I’m still nearsighted. I don’t usually think about what my response will be if life doesn't go according to my “perfect plan.” I had never considered how my life might look at age 40, 50, or 60. That is until this year when a job on the MIDWAYS research project helped me change the way I approach my future and be more prepared to face unexpected challenges.
Last fall, I became a research assistant for Ashley Jimenez Fraser, professor of family life. Her project is called Midlife Insights on Development: Examining Women’s Adjustment in Later Years through Storytelling, or MIDWAYS for short. Fraser had identified a gap in research on women’s life experiences from ages 40 to 69. The project interviewed and cataloged the life stories of 52 women from diverse backgrounds. I didn't realize how much this project would personally impact me.
Growing up, I faced significant hardship. As young as six, I had already experienced pain, loss, and abandonment. The struggles I’ve gone through were heavy. At times I didn’t know how it could be possible to be fully well after experiencing such difficulties. Sometimes, I questioned, “Will I ever fully heal?” The thought of more hardship coming my way was daunting.
I know “Men are that they might have joy” (2 Nephi 2:25). We were created by our heavenly parents to experience happiness, love, and joy. But if we are supposed to be happy, why do we face pain? Why do we suffer? How can happiness and hurt coexist?
Learning From Real Women of Faith
I never expected that the women in the MIDWAYS project would teach me that there can be happiness and healing amidst trials. Each of these women chose to turn toward the Savior in the middle of their struggles and transform their trials into sources of spiritual growth. This showed me that I could do the same. Reading story after story has changed the way I look at my own life.
Each of these women chose to turn toward the Savior in the middle of their struggles and transform their trials into sources of spiritual growth.
One woman, facing the painful loss of a loved one, described the moment she had to choose whether to turn toward or away from her Savior. She reflected, “I felt like I was standing at a crossroads. I had two choices — no more than that. I could be angry with God, or I could trust Him, because I couldn’t control this.” Her words showed me how to trust God. She said, “I understood that if I placed everything in His hands, everything would be okay. So, I am learning — learning not to try to control everything, because when problems come, I can’t solve them on my own.”
Another woman, suddenly alone after her divorce and left to support her children, shared how choosing faith helped her discover her own resilience. “All of that was very difficult. At the same time, it made me very strong. And it made me realize that I could do it. And it made me realize the potential that I had that I didn’t believe I had. But little by little I started realizing that I could do things on my own.”
She explained, “Something I’ve carried with me through all these years has been the testimony I have of having faith. That has been my strength — that I have to have faith that the things I want to do will happen, if our Heavenly Father wants it to be that way.”
A third woman, wrestling with her sense of identity in midlife, described how holding onto her faith sustained her through the transition. “My faith? It’s been strengthened, because despite all the problems and everything I’ve gone through, if God hadn’t been with me, I don’t think I’d be here. I have overcome many things because I know God loves me. I am here because He knows everything. Everything I went through is for my own experience.”
The uncertainty I have felt previously is no longer scary because of what I’ve seen of these women’s experiences. They have helped to soften the blow of becoming overwhelmed with life’s trials.
Interviewing My Mother
The most impactful part of the project for me was interviewing my mother. That experience helped me relate to her in a way I never had before. She had felt pain and suffered loss, but it was not her main focus. She said something that resonated with me: “I know that faith moves mountains, and when you take action, those mountains move faster.” She has taken action her whole life. This doesn’t mean that it was not painful or that she went back to the way she was. It means she has been forever changed. Moving a whole mountain means you are coming away with gashes and wounds. What is left after a healed wound is a scar. Those scars are a reminder of the trials we have endured. Just like the scars of Jesus Christ. “He will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.” (Alma 7:11) He suffered the will of the Father in all things so that He could take upon Himself the sins and sorrows of the world. No one has ever suffered the way he has.
Gaining a New Perspective
The MIDWAYS project helped me understand that I can experience joy and sorrow at the same time. Now I feel more confident that going forward, I’ll be able to manage the ups and downs of life. I know that the Savior understands all things. Healing does not mean I reach perfection or go back to the way I was before I experienced a trial. To me, healing means that I’m able to get up again and face whatever comes my way. I’ll have the healed scars as reminders of what I’ve overcome, just like the women of MIDWAYS.
Jesus Christ helps us face the trials of life. Life would be unimaginably painful without Him. The women participating in the MIDWAYS project have reinforced my belief in my Savior through their faithful examples. Surely, on a campus like BYU, we can find women who have lived — and continue to live — faithfully. They may be women we pass by daily. If we take the time to see them, listen to them, and learn from them, their experiences can strengthen our own resolve to follow Christ. In doing so, we can learn how to conquer any mountains that come our way.
